Tuesday, December 9, 2008

How I Lost My Pussy

A woman finds herself driven to fulfill her ultimate fantasy - sexual nullification.

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It's a strange idea, I know. I have no idea how I thought of it. I didn't come from a religiously repressed background or anything. I just found the idea of having my pussy rendered unfuckable to be a huge turn on. I like being fucked in the ass, and I'm content to enjoy sex mostly without having orgasms. The rush I get from staying horny keeps me energetic, and I find it exciting to just focus on my partner's pleasure. My ultimate fantasy has always been to have free sex, all the time, but to never be able to get off, my pussy all locked up and chaste.

I'm an aerobics instructor at a local gym, and blonde and curvy at that, so the free sex part is pretty much there. I've often picked up guys and even a girl or two after class. I usually try not to have orgasms during sex, but inevitably, they happen, mostly when I think about my fantasy of not being able to have them anymore.

Eventually, I just had to try something. I got a couple of vertical labia bars, fairly tightly coupled, right over my clit. They made access to my little pleasure bud quite difficult - and ruled out any chance of oral sex getting me off. I had to really work at it to get myself off, which meant orgasms for me during sex with a partner were really rare. I was pretty happy with this, but vaginal sex still was able to make me cum - and since I wasn't cumming very often, they were absolutely incredible orgasms. I loved that when it happened, but my fantasy propelled me to go further.

I asked the piercer at the studio if he knew of anyone that was able to do "extra" work. My plan was to have my inner labia trimmed and stitched together to cover up my pussy. He thought it might be doable, and it turns out he did have a little business on the side, as well. We made plans to sew up my pussy, but to leave my outer labia alone, for now. Piercing that was painful enough the first time, and I wasn't looking forward to it again. As long as penetration was ruled out, I would be happy. It was actually a quick and easy procedure, he just used a topical anaestethic, and brand new disposable tools. I payed him in more ways than one. I made sure he fucked my ass, and we used the rest of the anaestethic to numb my clit. I played with myself desperately as he fucked me, twice in one hour. Wow, that was fun. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get myself off. Exhausted, and satisfied at being unsatisfied, I got a good sleep that night.

This turned out pretty well. Healing time for the inner labia was really fast, and when they were done, I had a nicely sealed up pussy, with just a tiny hole. My first period was a mess, but I expected that, and with time, I've learned to clean up better. And I was so happy. My pussy really was unfuckable now, and my piercings made it impossible to perform oral on me. I could only give head, or with a guy, be fucked in the ass. And it was next to impossible for me to get enough stimulation to orgasm during either of those. Orgasms during sex now dropped to zero. Explaining everything to my partners so far was pretty easy, I just told them I was still a virgin and had a thick hymen, and the piercings, well, they are more common than you would think. I was still able to take them out for masturbation if I wanted to, although I usually just left them in. I was definitely masturbating more now, the further along I was in my fantasy, the more exciting everything about it became. Despite this, I was reaching climax less and less, by choice. I made a conscious decision to cut back my orgasms from about one a week to one per month. After summer was over that year, I decided to wait until the end of the following spring for my next orgasm. Who needs orgasms during the winter anyway?

After doing this for a couple years, it still wasn't enough. I was loving every minute of my vibrant and mostly unsatiated sex life, but my twice yearly orgasms were so over the top pleasurable, they left me feeling very much released and free, as if I had given up all of that sexual tension I was trying to build. I was ready to take the next step.

I went back to the piercer and made a special appointment. We planned on removing my clitoris and everything underneath, trimming the inside of my outer labia, then suturing that together. I would be left with just a nice smooth line, where my labia would heal together, creating an unstoppable barrier to both penetration and pleasure. I would have a tiny hole to expel urine and menstrual flow, small enough that not even a finger could get inside. I was going to lose my pussy, as I had always wanted to. We scheduled a time to meet at his home, and I had him remove the barbells over my clit. I wasn't going to be needing them anymore.

I did take time the week before to have some all out masturbation sessions. I wasn't sure if I should be having lots of orgasms, or none at all, so I allowed myself just one, a couple days before my appointment. I used everything I had to stimulate myself, multiple vibrators, nipple stimulation, and my hands all over my body and my clit. I teased myself to the brink for hours before I finally gave in. Of course, it was the best orgasm of my life. But I knew afterwards, the only thing that would bring me more pleasure was to not have that again. I had one last play session, at my appointment, right before we did it. The piercer seemed surprised that I didn't want to finish with an orgasm, but I'm glad I decided to stay horny instead.

The operation itself, I don't much talk about. I couldn't watch, and I know there was a lot of blood. I'm rather squeamish about such things. I didn't feel much at first, but after the anaestethic wore off, I hurt quite a bit. Fortunately, he had a doctor friend that was able to get me a prescription painkiller, and I was loaded up with valium right after. The next two weeks were rather awful, and I told everyone at work I was on vacation. The worst part, though, was no sex - I had to wait for everything to heal properly so nothing would tear and get infected. The drugs helped quite a bit with this. When I did recover, I was my old self again in no time - or perhaps, more accurately, my new self. A fringe benefit was now I never need to worry about getting a "female wedgie." My nice smooth crotch doesn't have anything to get caught, which is nice if you are a fitness instructor.

Sex is pure frustration for me now. I was getting a lot of indirect stimulation from my clit before, and now all of that is gone. The only thing I have now is playing with my nipples, and that just makes it worse, getting me all horny and desperate with nowhere to go. My fantasies have finally been completed. I love not having any sexual pleasure, just the pleasure of being very well sexed. Some of my students know about my predicament, and are pretty regular in helping me work my tensions out on them. Others wonder where all of my energy comes from. But my favorite thing to do is couples. I work as a personal trainer too, with certain added benefits. I often take long weekends with my special clients, at nice private lodges. We start off with a workout session, then we all get massages together. Then the games begin. I really love to be fucked in the ass by a man while I go down on his wife or girlfriend. I've even got a set of vibrating nipple clips to make sure I am as horny and frustrated as possible through the whole thing. Sometimes I even do female couples or a pair at a time. The really nice thing about group sex is there is always someone to have another orgasm, just not me. Someday, when I find the right match, I'd like to move in with one of my wealthier couples, so I can travel the world with them, on a permanent sex vacation. Just one where I'm not cumming.

I love not having a pussy anymore. My fantasies have been realized, for sure, and the feelings I get when just purely giving pleasure, knowing it can never be reciprocated, touch the most powerful desires in my heart. For me, this is reward enough. I had no idea that my dreams brought to life could be this intense. Maybe someday, some of you will find out just how good it is. For me, there is no afterlife. This is heaven.


kellys at the Eunuch Archive


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3 comments:

Lee said...

Any updates ?I wonder how its been since this story was written.

Michael Groenendijk said...

i can still make you cum when i can inside your pussy!

Steve Lucas said...

Wow that is intense and sexy as hell! I have always wondered if botox could be used to remove all clitoral and or vaginal pleasure for people not willing to go so far? I am glad you are so happy with your situation as there is no way out.